Can We Still Use Mediation if We Don’t Agree on Everything in Our Divorce?

Divorce is rarely a walk in the park. Even when both parties agree it’s time to part ways, there are often sticky issues that can make the process feel overwhelming.

Maybe you and your soon-to-be-ex are on the same page about most things, but there’s that one nagging issue you just can’t seem to resolve. Does this mean mediation is off the table?

Good news! The answer is a resounding “No.” In fact, mediation can be incredibly helpful, especially when you don’t see eye-to-eye on everything. Let’s dive into why mediation might be your ticket to a smoother, less stressful divorce – even with a few bumps in the road.

The Myth of the Perfect Agreement

Many people think that to use mediation, you and your spouse need to agree on everything right from the get-go. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Mediation is designed to help you work through disagreements, not avoid them altogether. Think of it as a guided conversation with a neutral third party who’s there to help you find common ground. It’s okay (and totally normal) to have areas where you don’t initially agree. That’s what the mediation process is for.

Why Mediation Works for Partial Agreements

So, why is mediation such a great tool when you’re not in total agreement? Here are a few reasons:

1. It’s Flexible: Unlike court proceedings, mediation can be tailored to your specific needs. You can focus on the issues you disagree on while quickly resolving the ones you’ve already settled.
2. It’s Collaborative: Mediation encourages open communication and problem-solving. It’s not about winning or losing; it’s about finding solutions that work for both parties.
3. It’s Less Adversarial: Court battles can turn even amicable splits into bitter disputes. Mediation keeps things civil, which is especially important if you’ll be co-parenting in the future.
4. It’s Cost-Effective: Even if you only use mediation for some issues, you’ll likely save money compared to fighting it out in court.
5. You Maintain Control: In mediation, you and your spouse make the decisions, not a judge who doesn’t know the intricacies of your situation.

How Mediation Handles Disagreements

Now, let’s get into the nitty-gritty. How does mediation actually work when you don’t agree on everything? Here’s a typical process:

1. Identify Areas of Agreement and Disagreement: Your mediator will help you list out what you’ve already settled and what’s still up for discussion.
2. Prioritize Issues: You’ll decide which disagreements need to be addressed first. This helps prevent minor issues from derailing the entire process.
3. Explore Interests: Your mediator will guide you in discussing the reasons behind your positions. Often, understanding each other’s underlying concerns can lead to unexpected solutions.
4. Brainstorm Solutions: With the help of your mediator, you’ll generate various options for resolving each issue. No idea is off-limits at this stage.
5. Evaluate Options: You’ll work together to assess the pros and cons of each potential solution.
6. Negotiate and Compromise: With a clearer understanding of each other’s needs and the available options, you can start to find middle ground.
7. Document Agreements: As you reach agreements on individual issues, your mediator will document them. This becomes the foundation of your final settlement.

Hypothetical Example: The Marital Home Dilemma

Imagine you and your spouse agree on most aspects of your divorce, but you’re at odds about what to do with the family home. You want to sell it and split the proceeds, while your spouse wants to keep it.

In mediation, you might explore options like:

• One spouse buying out the other’s share
• Postponing the sale until your children finish school
• Renting out the property and splitting the income
• A gradual buyout over time

By discussing these options openly, you might discover a solution that meets both of your needs – something a court might not have the flexibility to consider.

When Partial Mediation Makes Sense

Sometimes, you might use mediation for most issues but need to resort to court for one or two sticking points. That’s okay too! Partial mediation can still save you time, money, and stress compared to litigating everything.

For example, you might mediate issues related to property division and alimony but leave child custody to the court if you absolutely can’t reach an agreement. This approach allows you to maintain control over most aspects of your divorce while relying on the court system only where necessary.

The Bottom Line: Don’t Let Perfect Be the Enemy of Good

Remember, the goal of divorce mediation isn’t to agree on everything – it’s to find workable solutions that allow both parties to move forward. Even if you start mediation with several areas of disagreement, you might be surprised at how many you can resolve with open communication and a willingness to compromise.

At Netsquire, we’ve seen countless couples start the mediation process with significant disagreements and end up with mutually satisfactory agreements. Our experienced mediators are skilled at guiding discussions, suggesting creative solutions, and helping you see the bigger picture.

Ready to Give Mediation a Try?

If you’re considering divorce and aren’t sure if mediation is right for you due to some areas of disagreement, we encourage you to give it a chance. Our team at Netsquire is here to help you navigate this challenging time with empathy, experience, and a focus on finding solutions that work for everyone involved.

Remember, choosing mediation doesn’t mean you have to have all the answers upfront. It’s a process of discovery, communication, and collaboration. And who knows? You might find that those seemingly difficult disagreements aren’t so difficult to resolve after all.

Ready to take the first step towards an amicable, cost-effective divorce? Contact Netsquire today for a consultation. Let’s work together to turn your partial agreements into a complete resolution, paving the way for a brighter, more positive future for everyone involved.